hello once again! i'm FINALLY feeling like. actually good it took a long while to beat that stupid ass cold and i'm still coughing. but i wanna get back on this site because even though the code is jank as shit it is my pride and joy. this website is so fun for me i love having to overcome challenges and feeling accomplished. also this website was kind of made to cope in a way? like i started it at a very low point and i think it helped a lot to have a distraction that actually challenged my brain instead of just mindlessly doomscrolling on whatever. and it makes me feel super good at the end of the day to be able to engage with my work.
i hope more people come to see my site as i keep working! at what point do i make a cool little button for ppl to add to their sites like the cool neocities users. maybe i should start investing in cool ass webrings . . . i think thatd be a good start but i lowkey dont know what i'm doing at all
anyways things have been okay recently. i have a lot of ups and downs because i'm highkey #borderline but i'm not doing what i did when i was younger and stabbing my phones with knives every time i split. so progress is progress i guess. overall i've been managing mentally i just scheduled my first session of EMDR therapy?? which is terrifying but i do hope it helps somewhat. also i'm starting to feel more comfortable with like... social media and stuff again. i used to be somewhat followed on twt for my art before i just could not go on there after An Incident because i was lowk being watched as hell. i doubt i'll make a full ass return but i'd like to go back to making fan content for my interests again. it was really fun and it sucks that that had me so paranoid to the point where i stopped enjoying the things i loved.
most of my time recently has been spent readying for artfight this year! i've been playing since 2020 and the theme this year is basically me bait. overall i'm just so very excited for july it should be a lovely and awesome freaking month i'm so excited for artfight and i'm so excited to go to new york for the first time ever AND to meet my freaking boyfriend irl? LIKEEEE OH JOY it doesnt get better than this. i love the summer i love going out with friends and i love being in the car and rolling the windows down and it makes me feel like things might be okay. That sounds corny as hell and it's not a permanent feeling but it's nice while it lasts.
i'd like to spend some time soon kinda fixing up this site a bit. i wanna add more pages but i also wanna fix up the header and things like that? i think learning some basic javascript might serve me very well. the internet is so freaking cool though like i can learn literally anything on here. there are so many lovely resources out there to help me with my coding and shit and it's fun to learn.
speaking of learning i lowkey? need to figure out my school situation. i lowkey almost didnt survive my freshman year of college and i've been out of school for a year since. i've been wanting to attend community college but overall it's just very scary becuz i have nooo idea what to expect . . . ! and i don't know what mental state i'll be in by the time august rolls around and i'm very mentally disabled and things get really hard in a school situation. maybe with an autism diagnosis i can get a little more grace but even then college is kinda rough on accommodations sometimes. which i get buuuuttttttt. . . i dunno. i might just take like a class or two online when the fall rolls around and see how i do. my gpa's shit enough that it doesn't even matter anyways i can only rlly go up from here :sob:
yeah! that's about it i hope this month has been good to whoever is reading this too! things are looking up i hope. yayyy!!
